Pink pussyhats, inclusive feminism and changing the mind of old ladies.

An "older woman" (alright I am a "senior" ) suddenly "gets it". . .. . . at least a little. . .

So first,  where I was. . . 
I was concerned.  There were a lot of attacks on "pink pussyhats" from the women's march. . .  and I felt like - wait a minute. . . 1) that was a great organizing tool. . . women made them and then wore them and it looked great at demo's. As someone who has done a lot of organizing - anything that helps people feel included is a good thing. . . and 2)  if you saw someone wearing one on the street, it made me a feel a little "warm". . . like they were on "my side". 

So then I started to hear the complaints and arguments. . . women of colour do not have pink pussies.  Trans women do not have pussies (necessarily) at all. 

Then, the  mulling it over, and hearing the discussion. . . 
Well I thought - that is true - black women in particular tend to have brown or purple vulvas rather than pink . . . but, I thought to myself,  all women have pink vaginas and I have often heard the hats called "vagina hats". . . (yeah rationalize some more - M.A.  - even I knew I was defending something I should be questioning. . .) When people say vaginas, that way, they mean vulvas, and I know that. . .  My other rationalization was that I actually had assumed that they were pink "pussyhats" - that is pussy's of any colour, but pink hats. . .  that is also what the Asian American woman -- do I point that out in my defense?  Gee I hope not --  who came up with the idea says she meant - that "pink" is the colour assigned to girls and women, in general, and nothing to do with actual "pussy" colour.  A great compromise but it means that everyone has to use my interpretation - one of those - "oh you are offended, look at it this way. . ."  Yikes! Though, thank goodness,  in the U.S. they did ask people at many marches not to wear them, in order to be inclusive. There were few in Halifax, but I did note that tons of people in Toronto were still proudly wearing them.

Racialized women, esp women of African descent, tend to be marginalized in every way.  Whatever I am doing as a feminist,  better put their struggles first or I am not an ally.  I know that - I do support Black Lives Matter, and when able -bodied I did attend Black Lives Matter, First Nations and Indigenous,  demos and protests (including visiting Elsipogtog First Nation and the Water Protectors of Shubie. . .I do not mention those to toot my own  horn but to explain that I thought of myself as a "good ally" and someone who "gets it", but who was definitely struggling - though it took me a while to realize how much. ) 
 
Oh dear. Then,  I also thought, well, maybe not all trans women have pussies, but still cis women (who are more than 95% of the woman population) have pussies,  and how else are we going to define "women" if not by their pussies, Periods, pregnancy, menarche and menopause etc.  etc.  'cause I always thought women were just their biology (NOT!) So why was I wanting to do that now? Don't trans women want into that category "women" and that category includes pussies,  whether they individually have one or not . . . I thought that,  even while simultaneously thinking that trans women are women.  Two of the trans women I know I cannot think of as anything other than a woman - I do not wonder what their cis gender is, I do not wonder what their "plumbing" looks like.  They live in the world as women.  But, I realize that  it is not always the case, and it is hard for many trans women who seem spurned much of the time by any and all genders.  It is personal choice - theirs, not mine.  People do their own "categorizing" or resisting categories. I can only support them.

Even though I am totally in support of gender queer people and those who want to be genderless, AND trans people.  I have tried to be an ally . . . but what this whole discussion made me realize is that I cling very hard (too hard ) to gender categories.  I find it amusing when I meet someone or see someone who is very androgynous.  I love it when I cannot determine someone's gender - but I had, until a few days ago been treating it as a puzzle to be solved - as some point I would identify a cis' or trans' gender -- even though I know not to ask . . . but why do I feel like I have to put people in one of those categories?  No wonder I struggled (though just in practice not in philosophy) to use "their" instead of his or hers.   Have I not spent my life fighting as a feminist and a woman and a socialist, to end capitalism, to make women more equal,  to fight for peace and justice and equality,  and elimination of violence against women? The urge to categorize is (wrongly) strong in me! 

So I started to talk quietly (and with some trepidation) to people about those hats and my discomfort,  and out of those conversations I came to realize how much I cling to gender categories.  I do not for a moment,  not put trans women in the woman "category" I have no trouble doing that - but have come to realize over the last few weeks that I still want the categories.  Why?  Because I have fought for women, and I want there to be a definition of that. . . and I am scared of the category "men" defining the category "women".

Conclusion and new thinking . . . 
But, I am slowly realizing that there is no reason to cling to those hard gender boundaries - what makes me uncomfortable is something I can learn from . . .  I am trying very hard to get away all together from those categories.  We do not need to define "woman" by body part, (and I would have sworn I did not do that until I examined by discomfort with an attack on pink pussyhats)  I think in the near future (at least in the privileged north) there might be people more masculine,  or more feminine, without such clear boundaries,  and I think that there will be a lot more androgyny/genderlessness.  Millennials seem to  find it easy.  I can imagine it. I had no trouble with the Left Hand of Darkness.  Navigating sex in that world is something I won't have to do (too old) but what an adventure.  I have never had sex with anyone whose "genitalia" I could not categorize in advance.  More or less I knew what I would find "down there" (including a lot of individual variation)  I think in "The Kin of atta is waiting for you" there is a scene about that, or maybe it was Marge Piercey. . .  - but otherwise, than fictional experiences. . . it is a new thought for me. 

So the big realization is that I really don't need to care about what is in anyone's pants.  Including my own.  I do not need to identify with a category of "female sex" and who is in the category "woman", or the "genderless/queer" category,  is of no real consequence. . . I should just get over it - which means right away being more inclusive. It is backward thinking -- like seeing the increasing equality of black/African Canadian as somehow taking something from white people.  (all those white nationalists/racists I do not see myself as among!) Expanding "categories" rather than using them to exclude people,  expands us all and takes nothing from me. (or you!)